halfway

I'm reading too much into this. I'm not supposed to know everything, but yet I was given the apple and now the temptation has taken over.

I couldn't resist.


At the moment, I have the window open and I keep reading the same subject over and over again.


I remember someone saying that it's all in the past. But the past makes you the person you are today...


How am I supposed to stop my mind from wondering?


Clearly, I'm not thinking clearly.


I'm halfway in, but I'm also halfway gone.

too many mind.

Even though it took me this long to realize what people have been saying, I know now that I need to stop this feeling.

I've become relient on this "happy feeling". But what's so different about this "happy feeling," is how it's making me become sadder.

She was right; I'm not the same person before this happened. I used to be carefree yet focused on my tasks. Now? I'm more worried abomy actions and unfocused on my priorities.


"Why make someone a priority when they only make you an option?"


I feel like I've become an option, or at least, someone easily forgotten at the moment.

This feeling of mine has been lingering for quite sometime and it needs to STOP. NOW. Before I go crazy and ruin everything I've worked for.

All I want is to be happy...but not this way.


Goodbye love, I'll see you when I see you.

solemn

I found this on someone's blog:




"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."




I hope I never have to say that.

overdue.

I'm baaaaaaaack! San Diego was AMAZING. So much fun and so many sessions that have me motivated to take on the PR world when I graduate.

I am missing something, or in this case, someone.

Le sigh.

If only.

Gone to San Diego!

So, I'm off to San Diego for the 2009 PRSSA National Conference. I've been waiting for this weekend since March. Haha. Can't wait to get out of Orange County for the next couple of days and bond with my executive board. The best part about conference is seeing old friends and making new friends. God, I love PRSSA.

2008 PRSSA National Conference in Detroit, MI. Brrrrrr, it was chilly. Not the kind of weather this California girl is used to having. ;]


If you want to know the happenings of the conference, or simply, just want to know what the heck I'm doing, you can follow my tweets or you can follow the CSU Long Beach PRSSA tweets.

See you on Tuesday!


photo courtesy of fixedgearrepublic.com

Monday, Monday.

Okay, I get it. I haven't written in this blog since, what? My birthday? Yeesh. It's been an extremely busy couple of weeks. PRSSA, school and work along with my so-called "social life" have taken over my blogging responsibilities. While I enjoy the idea of blogging everyday, the motivation to actually do it is at a low. Yes, there are times where I feel the need to write this down and capture the moment in words, but sometimes I'm not near a computer to do such a thing. I'll try my best to bring this blogging up. Until then, I hope you can be patient with me.

But here's some good news though: I have an interview with Leader Enterprises at 11 a.m., which I am nervous, but more importantly, really excited about. I've known about this agency since Marc Altieri came into my Principles of Public Relations to speak about working at an agency. He's a CSULB alum, so that mesmerized me even more. Want to know an interesting fact about him? His brother, Mike Altieri, happens to the Vice president of Communications at the Los Angeles Kings.

:O <-- that's my "wow" face. Haha.

Aside from my interview, I have a PRSSA meeting on Tuesday with the ever-so-popular topic, Entertainment PR. Our guest speaker is Candice Han, who I have known for quite a while now. She speaks in a way, where you can easily relate to her and she doesn't seem intimidating. Another plus is that she is a CSULB alum too! (I'm starting to see a trend here...)

But the most exciting part of this week? NATIONAL CONFERENCE!! Four more days, and my executive board and I will be in sunny (let's hope..) San Diego! I will be attending the conference with over 80 chapters from across the nation. Networking, attending sessions and workshops, socials, everything is going on this weekend! I'll be making new friends while connecting with old friends. A mini-vacation with my executive board. Unfortunately, I wished more members from our chapter went, but a deadline is a deadline. And I really wish Sheena went with us and our e-board trip to Conference will be complete! Oh, well..there's always National Assembly in March. :)

joyeux anniversaire

That's what my cupcakes and candles looked liked last night.

I'm grateful for my friends who took me to Disneyland and surprised me with a fiesta.

Strawberry margaritas and our own version of "margarita pong" was the highlight of the night.

Oh, and Jessica's "Super Mario" and "They're from Ikea!" quotes.

Amazing.

Round two will start at 6p.m. for Karina's surprise party, then it's off to 2nd Street with the FU Friday group.

I gotta a feeling...that's tonight's gonna be a good night.

My birthday is tomorrow (Oct.11).

Come and say "Happy Birthday" to me.

;]

photo by pongky

FU Saturday?

Highlights from Saturday night.

BJ's Restaurant in Corona, CA.

Good times, good times.

i heart beignets

Yesterday morning, instead of sleeping in after a stressful week of school, I went to Brandon's house for breakfast. It turned out that he wanted to make beignets for breakfast along with this bacon and spinach egg scramble.

Can we say yum?

It took about an hour and a half cooking the food, techincally I watched and helped a bit whereas Brandon, chef extraordinaire, cooked mostly.

(I just took pictures)

Speaking of pictures, originally I brought my camera, but when I tried turning it on, I realized the camera hasn't been charged in a while. So, I borrowed Brandon's camera in hopes of making a mini food blog post.

(Pictures to come later, when Brandon eventually e-mails them to me)

So, here is a preview of what we ate, or at least the beignets.

The mix I bought him when I went to New Orleans for a conference. He was beyond excited and I must say, it's probably the best birthday present I've ever given him since I did leave for NOLA on his birthday.

Delicious and filling.

WARNING: try not to eat before the actual breakfast cooking process is done. I had about three before we finished cooking the rest of the beignets and bacon and spinach egg scramble.

top photo via google images, bottom photo via google images

if you're not cheating, you're not trying.

It's hot.
Well, maybe not in the Horn Center, but it's hot outside.
It's supposed to be fall, but because this is Southern California, the sun refuses to leave.
So, here I am.
Wearing skinny jeans, suede ankle boots and a black top. Did I mention I also brought a BLACK jacket too?
Ugh.
FML.

----------

So, I read up on my ESPN headlines today and thought i would share a couple links that caught my attention:

NHL: The cup is up for grabs again and, this time, anything's possible
NBA: Allen Iverson: Detroit Pistons "lied" about coming off bench
NFL: Nike denies signing Michael Vick to sponsorship pact
MLB: Minnesota Twins insulted by notion of stealing Detroit Tigers' signs

Today's winning article goes to MLB.
*insert applause*
Frankly, I didn't even know trying to steal signs was "common practice" in baseball, but then again, anything can happen in the game.
I loved Gardenhire's (Twins Manager) quote at the end of the article, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying."
Definitely sounds like something I would say to a Little Leaguer. NOT. (LOL)

just another halo victory

I know this is late, but...

Congrats to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for clinching the AL West Division!

I wish I had tickets. (Hint, Hint)

Photo by Los Angeles Times

declaration of blogging

This is my declaration.

I shall write in this blog, or attempt to, everyday.

I'm sure I mentioned a similar declaration when I first started this blog, but really...

What's the point of this blog, if I don't write in it everyday? Or, at least every other day.

So, that is my declaration.

Wish me luck.

Oh, and yes..this entry counts as day one.

And yes, that is cheating.

But, hey! Who said when it was going to start. ;]

Btw, I am still in the library.

Blarggg.

------------

ps. remind me to never go to the library with my brother, I think he's becoming delusional.

Poor kid.

Someone should've warn him the dangers of college. ;P

library session.

I'm in the library with my brother right now.

I'm "attempting" to study....

English Grammar homework FTW?

Ugh.

I'd rather be doing this instead...

Save me?

grad school?

Recently, I've been contemplating Grad School. It's been lingering in my mind for quite a while and I'm 80 percent sure I want to pursue it. What kind of program would a would-be Bachelor's degree in Journalism with an option in Public Relations want to get into?

SPORTS MANAGEMENT.

Now, some people might look at me and think, "This girl likes sports?"

I get that alot. Probably because they've never really seen me play sports, (and I am a bit athletically-challenged) but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it! In all honesty, my goal is to pursue a career in baseball. Preferably, working at Major League Baseball in New York or for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (though they'll always be Anaheim Angels to me), or the Oakland Athletics.

I was walking to my English Grammar class when I noticed there were tables spread across the lawn. Turns out it was a Grad School fair. I stopped by the University of San Francisco and Cal State Long Beach tables to check out their Sports Mangement programs. They seem legit. And by stopping at the table and chatting with the representatives, I felt like I could see myself in this program. So. I provided my e-mail and name and hopefully I'll attend the information meetings soon.

What do you think of me going to Grad School? Yay or nay?

Wouldn't it be lovely if I went to school in San Francisco? Look at that architecture. And I love the city.


But then again, I wouldn't mind being near home. And I do prefer Southern California sports teams with the exception of the Oakland Athletics. <3



On another note, I'm munching on these.

Delicious. Yummers.

Just another manic Monday.

It's moving day. Manda and I are driving to Orange to go help Jess and Jeff move into another apartment. Mind you, this is within the same apartment complex.

Fortunately, we'll be getting free food for our service hours.

Afterwards, Manda and I will head over to Champps at the Spectrum for Happy Hour and Monday Night Football! I'm not much of a football fan, but I'm willing to try it out. Usually I'll get into a sport if I immerse myself in the atmosphere. Hell, that's probably why I got into hockey.

This is going to be so much fun! Colts versus Dolphins. Who will win? Who cares? I'm all for a good time, baby.

We Shot The Moon/He's Not Gay @ Chain Reaction

Tonight, I am going to Chain Reaction with my brother and my friend, Brandon in Anaheim. Originally, Brandon wanted to go see a friend's band, He's Not Gay at the venue. At the same time, my brother kept bugging me about this other band, We Shot The Moon that was playing around the same time. Turns out, after much interrogation, both bands were playing at the same venue with He's Not Gay as the opening act and We Shot The Moon as the featured act. So, I'm going with both of them to see both bands. Two bands for the price of one? Sweet.

We Shot The Moon

Chain Reaction in Anaheim, CA

Overall view of the venue inside.

i'm speechless.

FUFriday pictures

Here are a couple pictures from last night. Courtesy of Ms. Domingo

Wokano in downtown Long Beach

Vegetable Tempura = delicious

brick wall, haha

Two vodka pineapples, please.

Songs of the night: "Down" by Jay Sean and "I gotta feeling" by Black Eyed Peas

FUFriday #2

Tonight after work, me and a couple of friends are going to try out the new sushi restraurant, Wokano in downtown Long Beach.

This makes me mouth water.

After dinner, it's time to hit up more friends and head down to 2nd Street.

I can't wait.

leader, schmeader

I don't like leaving people out.

Especially, if it's a great opportunity for them.

Being a leader kinda sucks sometimes.

Wasn't meant to be

I'm reminded of a song that I found on the Internet radio, slacker.com

It's called, "Not Meant To Be" by Theory Of A Deadman. The title speaks for itself, it's about two people in a relationship that simply didn't work out. As much as you try to fix the problems, they don't go away. They, whoever "they" may be, say that "it takes two to tango."

It takes two to solve a relationship problem. It takes two people to fall in love, two to work on staying in love, but only one to fall out of love. The last part is the most confusing. How does one fall out of love just like that? How does one person decide that this relationship is not enough or too much for them?

Can someone explain that to me?

--------

On the same note, September has been unofficially declared "Break-up/Limbo" month. Not only have I indirectly witnessed a couple of break-ups involving friends of mine, but I've noticed a lot of other friends are what I would like to call, "Limbo."

I use "limbo" as a term for not knowing where you stand in a relationship. Several friends of mine are at a crossroad with another person. There are only two options they can choose from: stay or go.

Of course there are many factors that delay them from making such a drastic decision.

"I care about her, but..."
"We're always together, but he treats me like he doesn't want me half the time...."
"I act more single, but we've been in this for so long, I can't leave her..."

etc, etc...

Get it?

Judging from my last post, I would associate myself in the limbo category too. Though, I am close to making a decision soon. I'm hoping this week will open my eyes and help me move on with my life.

I'm concerned with my friends though. I'm hoping happiness will arrive and we won't have to deal with it anymore.

Seems like fall is the end of summer love...

running on empty

Exhausting.

That is the only word I can think of right now to describe my week. The first week of the semester usually contains me running into old college buddies from last semester, standing in the long line at the bookstore and driving an hour back home because traffic is horrendous. But, instead I sit here in the library's computer lab, wasting my life away because I wasn't able to register for a class I originally signed up for last spring. Due to certain circumstances, my classes were dropped and I was able to re-register for three out of four classes, thus the waiting to petition phase.

My last class ended at 11:40am. It is 5:05pm where I am waiting to petition for a sociology class at 6:30pm. Do I need this class? NO. Am I petitioning to fulfill my full-time status? YES. Unfortunately, the class I wanted to petition for was a communication class, which is my minor, or as of right now, my minor concentration.

With all this waiting, I doubt I'll be able to make it to happy hour with my cousins that I haven't seen for ages. I'm just too tired and cranky to do anything right now. I would rather be home, laying on my bed than sitting here.

Please understand that while some students view this as the annual "Oh, god school is starting again?" routine, I view this as the worse beginning of the semester, ever. Not only am I trying to petition classes that are way off from my original schedule, but a certain situation, or shall I say person, has surfaced.

As much as I want to indulge in the information, writing about it will just make me slightly angry yet naive and nostalgic. I have no patience for shit like that.

For the first time, in a long time, I am starting to feel like I'm 17 again. The young girl, who thought things might be going her way, who thought maybe this isn't so bad, who thought maybe I'll like feeling this way. But no. I don't feel that way. Instead of guarding my heart, I let this person re-enter my life as if we were in high school again. As if they still had the ability to make me feel the way I used to feel back then -- wanted.

But alas, feeling wanted is only a temporary feeling.

I want to say that if you can make yourself happy, then it shouldn't matter what other people think, say or do to you. But it doesn't always work that way. We all need a little acceptance in our lives, why can't it be by the one you want? What gets me, is the person we want to be accepted by. What makes this person so significant above others in your life? Is it a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Mother? Father? Boss? Best friend? What makes being accepted by one person trump others? Do we, as a society, have such low self-esteem that being accepted in a society of "fakes" is the only way to go?

Perhaps.

Maybe I should stop being acting "real" and act "fake," that way the people I want to accept me
will see that I'm worth it.

Who am I kidding? Nothing is worth losing your dignity. Your self-worth. Your self-respect.

Do I respect myself? Hell, of course I do.

*sigh*

Oh, what the hell. I wrote this, whatever you want to call it, "blog", "entry", "word vomit," as a way to release my anger.

I was content with my life last week. And then you came back into my life with a message. It was that message that brought my world int a pause. How was I supposed to know that you still had the ability to make me feel vulnerable. It felt good hanging out with you, I admit. But it angered me when you didn't even bother to text me or even message me again. I'm not someone you can just throw away like I'm last night's leftovers. I'm not that girl. I'm not 17. It's been four years.

Why did you come back?

Why haven't you finished what you started?

Take a chance (on me)

Little Business Man
Originally uploaded by SCSSAPICS

Every once in a while, I turn to Pandora for my listening pleasures. When Gwen Stefani's "What You Waiting For?" came on, I couldn't help, but listen to the lyrics and I realized it was "speaking"to me.

Songs have a way to do that to you when you least expect it. When you're feeling down and that perfect song helps deal with the emotions stuck inside you or when you feel angry and the lyrics to a song calm you down.

Gwen Stefani's "What You Waiting For?" was the song for me. The hook for the song is quite simple:

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for

Tick-tock, tick-tock
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Take a chance you stupid hoe


Now, I can tell you she's very blunt when she's encouraging you to take a chance, but I related to it. The past few weeks, I'vebeen delaying my chance to apply for the ultimate internship. A Community Relations Internship with a prestigious basketball organization. I had exactly one month to apply once I returned from Hawaii. And what did I do?

NOTHING.

Well, not just nothing. I did start the application, I just didn't finish it. I had the chance to complete this application, I had the chance to be interviewed, I had CHANCES. And I did NOTHING. I ended up waiting until the last minute to start the application and once midnight rolled araound, the application I was working on disappeared. You can imagine the heartbreak I felt when I couldn't complete the application. COMPLETE devastation.

It's a lesson learned. Don't wait until the last minute to finally take a chance on something you truly want, especially whe you have all the time in the world. And in this case, I had a month.

It's time to grow up.

Hanging out

(photo by Flickr)

Funny how you're used to one thing and then months later, something new occurs. I'm not complaining, I just think it was a bit peculiar that this started. I wonder if this will become a routine.

I kinda like this.

no news is good news, but good news is GREAT news.

I got the news I've been waiting for. I was worried and only two people knew what was going on. And I would like to thank them for being there for me and helping me cope through this difficult time. I'm going to do better, I promise. I've realized what needs to be done and what I can do now, now that I have that second chance.

So thanks a bunch. I love yah for it.

My heart doesn't feel heavy anymore.

my to-do list.

Things I need to achieve by the end of summer:

1. Get a facial
2. Go to more baseball games
3. Run more
4. Take advantage of my new swimsuit and go to the pool
5. Go to the fair
6. Travel more (i.e. SAN FRANCISCO)
7. Get a 2nd job
8. Prep for my organization
9. Visit people before our friendship fades
10. Finish The Fountainhead
11. Start Atlas Shrugged
12. Watch Transformers, Harry Potter and other summer movies
13. Go to the beach more
14. Clean my room
15. Sell my clothes and what ever I can not sell, donate to charity
16. Try to maintain a consistant sleep schedule
17. Let go of people and things that are fading (refer to #9)
18. Take more picures
19. Blog more
20. JUST RELAX and enjoy what is left of summer.

tomorrow, tomorrow

originally uploaded by nnneller.

Lately, it's been up and down when it comes to the opposite sex. Don't get me wrong, I like to think I know enough to not get my heart broken, but sometimes certain guys just rub me the wrong way (no dirty joke here, folks). *sigh* Why must I receive random texts from you and then in the end what is it really worth?

On the bright side..

I will be flying out to Honolulu, HI for a week. Finally the vacation I've been looking forward to since last month. I'm excited for laying on the beach, visiting Pearl Harbor and celebrating Fourth of July! Pictures are going to be phenomenal.

See you in a week! <3

f*ck off.

What a way to end the day.

Why can't I do the things I want to do? So, in order for me to do the things I want to do I have to ask permission. I'm a grown-ass woman. Don't you understand that?

I can't take this right now. I'm too pissed off. Please refrain from pissing me off even more.

I want this month over NOW.

kthxbye.

Not a damn thing.

This week has SUCKED.

Maybe not SUCKED per se, but it really had its ups and downs. More downs, unfortunately.

All I can say is, please fuck off and die. I've realized I don't need you in my life and if you really cared, you would've said something. Thanks for NOTHING.

Toodles.

FML.

I must say...

you have the WORST timing ever. Why is it that EVERYTIME things are going undisturbed, you come back and disrupt it. Not only that, when things are rolling something else happens.

"It's not meant to be."

Maybe so, maaaaaaaaaaaybe so.

courtesy of http://daddyforever.com/2009/02/10/valentines-day/

.....

"You aren't going to be her first, her last, or her only. She's loved before, she will love again, but if she loves you now what else matters? She's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if she can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She isn't going to quote poetry, she's not thinking about you every moment, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you could break. Don't hurt her, don't change her, don't expect more than she can give. Don't analyze. Smile when she makes you happy, yell when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had."-anonymous

I may need to go on a diet now..

Best Web site ever.

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Great Web site, here are a few photos that I came across. They don't look too disgusting, do they?

Mmmm, ice cream cupcakes

In N Out's Animal-style fries!!

Chicken and Waffles. Haven't tried them yet.



Deep fried grilled cheese sandwich. Okay, this may be the winner.

I love food regardless.

Check out the site, it's amazing.

Nothing goes as planned

I dyed my hair today.

Scratch that.

I am dyeing my hair today. As in, right now.

I decided to slightly change my hair color because, frankly, I was sick of the ugly, old blond "Asian" highlights I received in OCTOBER and the old, dark brown color that is now halfway down my head. I've never mixed this many colors in my hair ever. Figure it was a good change, since this day turned out different than what it was supposed to be.

I was suppose to wake up at 7, I was suppose to go downstairs and see only my dad, I was suppose to be at Denny's at 9:45 the latest, I was suppose to go to the library and find any information for my research paper and I was suppose to start writing my paper.

Supposedly, I ended up taking a shower around 9:15, went downstairs and not only see my dad, but saw my mom as well. I arrived at Denny's before 10 and went straight to the library to only find out there were no books relevant to my subject and checked out Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead instead. Oh, and instead of focusing on writing my research paper, I am in the midst of dyeing my hair Dark Chocolate Brown.

I am so focused.

----------------

In my last post, I referred to Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged as part of my summer reading, but I decided I would attempt to read Fountainhead instead. Mostly, because a friend of mine read the book before attempting Atlas. Funny thing is, I've actually read the first 300 pages of Atlas Shrugged, but never actually got around to finishing the book.

So, I guess I have two books to read this summer. 700 pages of Fountainhead, 1069 pages of Atlas Shrugged.

Wish me luck.

-----------

I'm thinking of changing the way I approach things/situations/people. I've realized that maybe I should become more aggressive, be more consistent, be more......the person I should be.

But, who are we suppose to be? Can someone answer that for me?

ttyl,